Empty boxes are folded down in a pile. Tuition has been paid, my new job is rolling. A routine is setting back into my life. Favorite restaurants have been scouted, and the fastest route to work and back has been found.
I look back on this month and let out a sigh of relief. My life zoomed into fast forward to the point where I forgot to live. Working is my addiction. I love to be on the floor moving and adding to my sales. That exhilarating feeling when I find a customer a good deal or start them on a healthier path. The smile on my manager's face brightens my own. When days are slow I still am happy to be doing something useful with my time. But, there are moments when I pause and I stare at the floor. I miss the familiarity of home, of Richmond, VA.
After my first few pay checks and some extra birthday money, I packed my bags and took the five hour drive to the place I called home for 16 years of my life.A reunion with my brothers and sister in law sparked the beginning of my journey. It isn't until I sat down with them that I was overwhelmed with how much I missed seeing them so often. We shared stories and caught up on work and family issues. We laughed about how nothing has changed and we smiled as we discussed seeing each other soon. As the waitress came over to sing me one of the most embarrassing birthday songs ever, I blushed, but smiled. My brothers still cared (although I'm sure Brittany had something to do with it). We all hugged and smiled as we parted and I headed to my next destination.
It's funny what a month away can do to a relationship. Before I left we worked so hard to let our guards down and come closer to each other. We fought and struggled but soon enough, we got there. Coincidentally, we got there just a few weeks before I moved. Coming home, I had no idea what to expect from him. And trust me, I'm a girl built on expectations. Hugs were exchanged and small talk was made. I laughed on the inside as I realized I was filled with the same butterflies I had months ago for him. I waited for something, anything to happen. Like a little girl waiting for her first kiss. As the hours moved along, I became more anxious. Maybe I had changed. Maybe there was someone else who he never mentioned. Maybe he changed his mind about me. The moment that erased those fears was so tiny, I wonder if anyone else would have noticed. Our movie started later than expected and we went to the bookstore around the corner to kill time. We browsed across books that didn't interest either of us too much and I patiently waited for anything to happen. Soon my hopes began to diminish as we headed downstairs to gaze at magazines. I think I counted 20 knitting magazines, that can't be healthy. We made our way over to the boy magazines about guns and cars and fishing and other things men use to seem like they have more testosterone then they really do. After a few minutes we sat down in front of the rack and I leafed through pages I wasn't reading. All I could think about was holding his hand. Kissing him. Anything. I got up and looked for a different magazine. For a split second I looked back expecting him to be looking down, but instead he was looking at me. Gently looking at me. At that point, I could care less what happened for the rest of the time. Sure I wanted more physicality, but if not, that one look would do. Because I knew he still cared, and he did miss me. Whether he'll admit it or not.
I left him wanting more, but I knew I had to leave eventually. Next stop? My cat. I could not tell you the hours upon hours of missing my cat, Monster Kitty. I drove home in search of her, to pet her and to kiss her again. With open arms I was welcomed into her new home. They updated me on how she was doing and we traded information before I moved on to see my best friends (minus Jana and Cassandra).
They smiles, the laughs, the screams of joy and excitement. So much joy filled my heart that night. I was blessed to spend time with the people that mean the most to me. I got a second chance to see my best friend before she moved to Hawaii. And before Chris starts college. It was a night I'll never forget, full of inside jokes and heartfelt memories.A last glimpse at my best friend before I left her and last words that couldn't have been expressed better. That was the hardest part, saying goodbye to my best friend of six years, Haley. Soon she will pack her bags and board a plane and who knows when I'll ever see her again. At this point, whether I think it's a mistake or not it doesn't matter. She's going. It's terrifying to never know when I'll see her again, and even more terrifying knowing how difficult it will be to see her. Knowing our past is hope for the future. I'm not sure if she ever understood the strength she gave me everyday. She has been the most caring and supportive friend. She's seen me struggle and cry, she's seen me through break ups and happiness. She knows my darkest secrets and I know hers. I hope she finds happiness and strength in her future. I hope the best for her and I hope she knows I will always be here for her.
It's hard to move on in life, to set mile stones and pick up the pieces. I've noticed over this past month how important the little moments are. The last goodbyes, or the little looks. A moment of joy seeing my cat again, and a touch of heartache as I go on my way back to my new life. The tiny moments make up the best of my life. If the tiny parts are glorious, then there is always beauty in the big picture. I look back onto my past and smile. It hasn't always been easy, but because of the people who have helped me along the way, I've lived it to it's fullest so far, and I don't plan to stop anytime soon.
Good luck in Hawaii Haley, be safe, smile, and don't forget to call. Aloha.
"Because I knew you, I have been changed, for good" -Wicked; For Good
I look back on this month and let out a sigh of relief. My life zoomed into fast forward to the point where I forgot to live. Working is my addiction. I love to be on the floor moving and adding to my sales. That exhilarating feeling when I find a customer a good deal or start them on a healthier path. The smile on my manager's face brightens my own. When days are slow I still am happy to be doing something useful with my time. But, there are moments when I pause and I stare at the floor. I miss the familiarity of home, of Richmond, VA.
After my first few pay checks and some extra birthday money, I packed my bags and took the five hour drive to the place I called home for 16 years of my life.A reunion with my brothers and sister in law sparked the beginning of my journey. It isn't until I sat down with them that I was overwhelmed with how much I missed seeing them so often. We shared stories and caught up on work and family issues. We laughed about how nothing has changed and we smiled as we discussed seeing each other soon. As the waitress came over to sing me one of the most embarrassing birthday songs ever, I blushed, but smiled. My brothers still cared (although I'm sure Brittany had something to do with it). We all hugged and smiled as we parted and I headed to my next destination.
It's funny what a month away can do to a relationship. Before I left we worked so hard to let our guards down and come closer to each other. We fought and struggled but soon enough, we got there. Coincidentally, we got there just a few weeks before I moved. Coming home, I had no idea what to expect from him. And trust me, I'm a girl built on expectations. Hugs were exchanged and small talk was made. I laughed on the inside as I realized I was filled with the same butterflies I had months ago for him. I waited for something, anything to happen. Like a little girl waiting for her first kiss. As the hours moved along, I became more anxious. Maybe I had changed. Maybe there was someone else who he never mentioned. Maybe he changed his mind about me. The moment that erased those fears was so tiny, I wonder if anyone else would have noticed. Our movie started later than expected and we went to the bookstore around the corner to kill time. We browsed across books that didn't interest either of us too much and I patiently waited for anything to happen. Soon my hopes began to diminish as we headed downstairs to gaze at magazines. I think I counted 20 knitting magazines, that can't be healthy. We made our way over to the boy magazines about guns and cars and fishing and other things men use to seem like they have more testosterone then they really do. After a few minutes we sat down in front of the rack and I leafed through pages I wasn't reading. All I could think about was holding his hand. Kissing him. Anything. I got up and looked for a different magazine. For a split second I looked back expecting him to be looking down, but instead he was looking at me. Gently looking at me. At that point, I could care less what happened for the rest of the time. Sure I wanted more physicality, but if not, that one look would do. Because I knew he still cared, and he did miss me. Whether he'll admit it or not.
I left him wanting more, but I knew I had to leave eventually. Next stop? My cat. I could not tell you the hours upon hours of missing my cat, Monster Kitty. I drove home in search of her, to pet her and to kiss her again. With open arms I was welcomed into her new home. They updated me on how she was doing and we traded information before I moved on to see my best friends (minus Jana and Cassandra).
They smiles, the laughs, the screams of joy and excitement. So much joy filled my heart that night. I was blessed to spend time with the people that mean the most to me. I got a second chance to see my best friend before she moved to Hawaii. And before Chris starts college. It was a night I'll never forget, full of inside jokes and heartfelt memories.A last glimpse at my best friend before I left her and last words that couldn't have been expressed better. That was the hardest part, saying goodbye to my best friend of six years, Haley. Soon she will pack her bags and board a plane and who knows when I'll ever see her again. At this point, whether I think it's a mistake or not it doesn't matter. She's going. It's terrifying to never know when I'll see her again, and even more terrifying knowing how difficult it will be to see her. Knowing our past is hope for the future. I'm not sure if she ever understood the strength she gave me everyday. She has been the most caring and supportive friend. She's seen me struggle and cry, she's seen me through break ups and happiness. She knows my darkest secrets and I know hers. I hope she finds happiness and strength in her future. I hope the best for her and I hope she knows I will always be here for her.
It's hard to move on in life, to set mile stones and pick up the pieces. I've noticed over this past month how important the little moments are. The last goodbyes, or the little looks. A moment of joy seeing my cat again, and a touch of heartache as I go on my way back to my new life. The tiny moments make up the best of my life. If the tiny parts are glorious, then there is always beauty in the big picture. I look back onto my past and smile. It hasn't always been easy, but because of the people who have helped me along the way, I've lived it to it's fullest so far, and I don't plan to stop anytime soon.
Good luck in Hawaii Haley, be safe, smile, and don't forget to call. Aloha.
"Because I knew you, I have been changed, for good" -Wicked; For Good
